Manchester calling

In January of this year I got bored. I took two days, listened to “You Can Call me Al” on repeat, looked at my financials, and, in a Paul Simon inspired act of impulsivity, applied for an exchange. It all happened very quickly. I guess boredom, or my short little span of attention, was the original motivation but I have since realized the other challenges and opportunities this has presented. School became too cyclical for me this year. Class, work, weekend; midterm, paper, final. I’ve been here, I’ve done this and I know I can do it. I rocked school so hard this year, so I think it might be time for a new challenge. I don’t deny that I’ll meet these same cyclical problems in Manchester, but it will be a change of scenery.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Vancouver life and what I have made of it. I love UBC, I love living with Sophia and I love working in my coffee shop. I feel comfortable in these cycles and genuinely happy being me and doing what I do. I’ve established myself here. I would have been perfectly content cruising through this forth and final year of school and been overwhelmingly proud of my accomplishments. But when was the last time I was really challenged, or made the effort to challenge myself? I also worry sometimes that I am mistaking contentment for happiness. If I’ve learnt anything from POLI 341 and Chris Erikson it is that I’ll believe anything a handsome man tells me… wait, I mean… If I’ve learnt anything from POLI 341 and its included literature it is the constant pursuit of something better. I’ve met a set of problems, or entered some kind of rut, and it is time to do something differently. This may lead to a new set of problems, but these new problems will require new solutions and present new challenges and thus, I begin my own constant pursuit of something better. Out of the cyclical or linear and into the rhizome. I don’t expect this to be a “be all, end all” trip and I don’t expect to “find myself.” I’m too young to find myself and I’d rather come back with more questions than answers.

I worry that now is a bad time for this, that I can’t afford it or that I’m not ready for a real life experience. I’ve learnt in the past little while that timing is never perfect. Things don’t always work, stars don’t always align. I have to work at it sometimes. If I wasn’t ready before, I’ve had all summer to prepare myself. I pulled a Lesley by doing some research and getting my hands on every Manchester related book and movie I could find. Mental preparation included talking to former, current and future exchange students, writing in this blog and adopting a “seize the day” mentality. I’m also trying to get in the right headspace to not base the success of this trip on guys, sex and romance, but rather on events, moments, travel, people and learning. Financial preparation didn’t go exactly as planned. I spent nothing, saved everything but I still see a loan from the Bank of Fordham in my future. Besides that, I’ve actively made myself ready and adopted the mantra “I am more than capable of being wildly successful.” I dig it… and believe it.

I’ve found myself saying “I don’t normally do things like this” a lot lately, referring to this exchange, certain drunken exploits and romantic pursuits. How many times do I have to say “I don’t normally do things like this” before it becomes a thing that I do? Have I become this bold girl I’ve been trying to be the last year? They don’t call me Forward Fordham for nothing… wait, or was it No-Shame Fordham? Either way, I like these bold moves, I feel like they’re getting me somewhere. And this one just happens to be getting me four months in England. Cool.

So why am I going on exchange and what do I expect to get out of it? I guess I want to challenge myself, embark on new adventures, miss something, be missed, fall in love, acquire new stories, try something different and ask questions. I probably could have done this all in Vancouver but leaving for a while might be a good push. I think that is why my uncharacteristic two-day Graceland-induced coma of restlessness and boredom turned out the way it did.